My good friend Aleta St. James has just written a beautiufl blog for the Huffington
Post, that she has given permission to post here. -Alan Steinfeld
Valentine's Day can be challenging if you're single. OK, that's an understatement.
Sometimes it can be downright painful, watching other women get deliveries of
flowers or chocolates at the office or hearing about their plans for an intimate
dinner with their beloved. It can be a "trigger day" for feelings of isolation,
abandonment and inadequacy. I know women who have sent themselves flowers
with a note attached from a mysterious admirer because it was too difficult to be
the one left out.
Valentine's Day is all about being the chosen one, and letting the world see you've
been chosen by someone. Or not, as the case may be.
Even if you're single, it doesn't have to be that way. Your mission, beginning this
Valentine's Day and continuing through Feb. 14, 2011 is this: Start being your own
chosen one. I'm calling this the Chosen One Challenge.
That's not meant as some woo-woo New Age banality. I mean it. Start choosing you,
start celebrating yourself, and see what happens in the year leading up to next
It won't necessarily be easy. The hardest thing for us to do is to celebrate ourselves.
We're brought up to succeed, to be superstars propelled by proving ourselves in order
to feel we've arrived in the eyes of others. We keep thinking that when we reach our
goals we can then celebrate ourselves but before then we just haven't made it in our
own eyes. We may even have set certain deadlines for achieving goals and when we
pass the date without success, we label ourselves failures.
Stop. Be your own game-changer. This Valentine's Day choose yourself. Don't look
for outside validation.
If it sounds too hard, just think of it as a game. Pretend, act as if. If you get how to
play the game of choosing yourself, you'll be amazed at how many people start
looking at you as if you're a chosen one -- even if you don't have a partner!
Don't act as if you're queen for just today. Do it all year round. How often do we
put ourselves down, deflect compliments and make ourselves the butt of our own
jokes? Don't do it. Being a game-changer is an inside job. You can do it.
Here's your first assignment to do begin your year as your own chosen one: Choose
one friend to do the Chosen One Challenge with and keep each other inspired and
motivated all year long. You can serve as each other's monitors as well, to make
sure you're not putting yourselves down or acting in any un-queenly ways!
Whether you read this on Valentine's Day or later, here's a list of ways to celebrate
yourself and your life and start taking action. Add your own ideas and make your
1. Book an aromatherapy massage.
2. Write a gratitude list for everything good you have in your life and mail it to yourself.
3. Buy white roses for your home.
4. Ask a friend to lunch or dinner at your favorite restaurant and explain that it's
part of the Chosen One Challenge
5. Get a mani-pedi
6. Buy your pet a V-day gift.
7. Allow yourself a selection of the best chocolates you can afford
8. Decide to take action toward fulfilling something you have always wanted to do.