Please consider...
Almost all of our behaviour is a demand.

It could be seen this way...
When we are born we are helpless to look after ourselves.
(Could be said that we are born nine months premature.)
When we are hungry our system tells us that we are starving - fear,
so we have to let someone know - in no uncertain terms.

Most people never go beyond this stage - into self-responsibility.
We are always expecting/demanding that someone take care of us/make us
happy. Not so obvious, so take some time looking.

This behaviour is very difficult to point out to someone.
In a group situation it is easier - because when it is pointed out to the
person, everyone can see it (except, often, the person to whom it is being
pointed out!)

“If only we could see ourselves as others see us.” John Donne
Well we can.
At one time we carried a video camera with us and videoed all interactions.
We played them back in the breaks. Often people could not believe what they
were seeing. Shocked. tears, frustration.


Demand seems to come in two main forms.
Some people use mainly one form, and the more resourceful use two.

The first one is easy to spot. The person acts in an authoritive,
aggressive, superior way. Can't tell them anything. They are very
self-centred, always right and seem to have no very empathic or human
traits. They are not pleasant to be around - to say the least.

But it is the quiet ones to watch out for.
They seem self-demeaning, modest, always ready to agree, and please - almost
invisible. And in the end they are the ones that usually get their way.
Not obvious. Check it out.


Here is the thing I have said over and over, and it is hardly ever
recognised. Anthony de Mello says very clearly -  everything we do is for
ourselves. Everything.

Let's take that a bit further. Ready?
We never, ever, do anything we do not want to do. Ever.
Not easy eh.

You see, whatever we do, we do because we would rather be doing that than
the alternative.
I am not suggesting that we always enjoy what we are doing - in fact
enjoyment is not so common, but what we do do is a better alternative to us
than the alternative.

For example, let's take the more obvious example of the physically battered
wife. Ridiculous to stay in such a situation you say? Agreed.
But take a look at your own life. Putting up with things you are not
enjoying? For what? That is the thing to identify.
You are doing what you are doing - rather than what you think is the
alternative.

Happy Checkingoutting...